gRaMmaR pEeVE's

I hate it when people mix up you’re and your. And when they put apostrophe’s where they (do not) don’t belong. (see the deliberate error? no? head back to sixth grade).

If something is plural, add an “s” or “es”. The apostrophes (are not) aren’t necessary people! They are (they’re) there for a reason: to help speech flow more smoothly. I also find it immensely irritating and juvenile when people over the age of eighteen tYpe LIkE tHis. It takes more time, people, and (it is) it’s just stupid, really.

Sure, I do not (don’t) have the greatest grammar in the history of life, but our cohort, college-aged individuals, should do better. After all, (we are) we’re the future leaders of the world. We scribe sentences everyday for social networking, classes, blogging, etc., so we get loads of practice.

No, I am (I’m) not a linguist, nor am I on a crusade to preserve the English language. I just feel language was created so we could communicate and lie to each other, and how better to mess that up with bad grammar. Sure, I could post “the pros and cons of lying” but (I will) I’ll leave that for some other time. For now, (let us) let’s not destroy the universe. Thanks.

The Dream Team (Shameless Objectification Pt. 1)

Consider this situation:

Aliens from the same planet Calvin Booth came from have arrived on Earth with the intent to kill, rape, and eat people's motherfucking costumes. The United Nations wants to mobilize the world's strongest militaries, the PETA wants to build a big-ass ship to house every animal on the planet (as long as they're cute of course), and Zordon wants to assemble a team of teenagers with attitude. However, the Carriers of the Rod have a different plan in mind. Aliens have sex drives too, and we know exactly what to do in order to prevent our kind from going the way of MiniDisc players. We would assemble dream teams of some of the hottest 's the Earth has to offer. I begin today with my (superior) team: 5 starters and 5 subs. Check it.

1. Jessica Alba

Obvious? Yes.

Totally expected? Indeed.

Completely necessary? Absolutely.

Ms. Alba is by far the most common weapon of choice for the female objectification arsenals of men all over the world. This list is no different. While other overhyped starlets (Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Jessica Biel) lose their luster after a while, Jessica manages to retain every microvolume of it. She's still sexy even today...no matter how married/pregnant/hyped she is. She's so hot that she can save the most banal and abhorrent of films from complete financial disaster without even having to really act (not that she really can in the first place).

2. Tina Yuzuki

Now here's where it gets fun. Sid and I established the rule that we are each allowed to place one *ahem* adult multimedia specialist on our respective teams. Ms. Yuzuki is my selection. Born to a Japanese father and Portuguese mother, this mega cutie really doesn't look like she should be doing porn. Actually, she doesn't look like she should even be in clubs on Friday nights. Nonetheless, we're fortunate to have her and I for one am not complaining at all. I am also convinced that if you are a straight male and managed to watched that video without falling in love/lust with her for those 5 minutes, then you may need to get your gonadotropin levels checked out. Just sayin'.

Embedded video has no sound. Here's the Youtube link for your listening pleasure.

3. Allison Stokke

If you thought Tina Yuzuki was obscure, then I can only imagine what you are thinking about now. Yeah this ain't your standard-issue objectification list, brosephius. For all those who had no idea this girl even existed, I hope I have bestowed some enlightenment upon you poor souls. Ms. Stokke turned into an overnight internet sensation when the first photos of her pole vaulting at a track meet were posted on some random, insignificant blog not called The Rod of Ebullience. She now attends the University of California where she continues to skillfully handle long poles while wearing athletically-fit clothing. An otherworldly body like that AND a pretty face to match? She's guaranteed a spot on my starting five without ever having to do a movie or sing a song.

4. Liu Yifei

Here's another girl the majority of Americans are in the dark about. But no worries...the Rod shall light the way once more. Ms. Liu here is quite the famous actress back in my ancestral homeland (and for good reason). Unfortunately, her only appearance in a Hollywood production thus far was her role in that movie with Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and some random white kid. The name escapes me right now, but I think it was called Another Hollywood Fantasy Butchering Other Cultures by Making the Most Idiotic Reasons for White Dudes to be Main Characters. Actually, I heard that it was a prequel to The Last Samurai. Anyway, back to the woman. Liu Yifei has that "cute but hot/innocent but not" look most guys go crazy about, making her the best actual girlfriend material out of everyone on this list. So basically if in a few years I become a filthy rich bachelor, decide to move to China, and find out that this chick is still single, then it's on.



5. Meagan Good

Rounding out my starting five (literally) is Meagan Good. Deciding who gets to have the last spot is always a difficult decision for a coach, but one look at her will show that she is indeed worthy.

Pretty face? A strong check.

Hot body? Very much a check.

That extra, "something" that puts her over the edge and onto this list? Check, check, check.

Yeah there's something extra hot about this girl and I can't really put my finger on it. Maybe it's her seductive gaze? Her attitude? I dunno. Whatever it is, I hope she keeps doing it. Oh yeah, here's a fun fact: she was on Cousin Skeeter (cue immature giggling) when she was younger. I just looked up some videos on Youtube and she was still hot back then. The only downside to Ms. Good that I can think of is the fact that she dated a cartoon character who plays for some wack-ass football team not named the Philadelphia Eagles. However, I excuse such unthinkable behavior because she is the hottest Meagan/Megan in Hollywood today.





Yeah I said it.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my Dream Team. I think they're ready to take on whatever team Sid can field. Also, here are the ladies who are still hot enough to make my team, but will be coming off the bench during games. They provide their own special talents. Some are quick off the dribble, while others are great spot-up shooters.


1. Grace Park
2. Maria Ozawa (Tina Yuzuki's back-up for good reason)
3. Minka Kelly
4. Cassie Ventura (pre-whatever this was all about)
5. Rachel Specter

hardest song out right now

Sport Shopping

this post is courtesy of my iPhone, while shopping...with women. from time to time, due to extenuating circumstances, I end up shopping with women. no, I don't get persuaded or goaded into it. somehow, some-effing-how, it always happens. I must admit, maybe 1 percent of the time, I knowingly throw myself to the wolves and agree to this shopping-with-women thing. (random: when I'm agitated, I tend to not make eye contact). anyway, shopping-with-women may be the most disappoining and upsetting thing. ever.

technically, women don't know how to shop. generalization: they buy things because they're on sale, not because they actually want them. putting it all together, guys are minimalists in a sense (I know I am), whereas girls have a bunch of extra crap they never really wanted in the first place. oh, and like many woman endeavors, this shopping occurs very sslloowwllyy.

while men do things like throw around a football, play a quick 21 or hours of FIFA/ madden, women shop with women. and, as aforementioned, it takes forever...literally. I'm sure the man things I mentioned above are equally upsetting to them (women), and i bet my female friends can enlighten me in that regard. but for now, I can't see it from that perspective, as I am but one man. I mean, think about it: me seeing it from their perspective would grant me way too much power and clairvoyance, thereby destroying the universe.

Freedom, Food, & Fireworks

Independence Day conveniently fell on a Saturday this year. This meant more action this time around. A few friends and I decided to have a good ol' cookout. There's not much green in this concrete jungle known as Philly, so we had to improvise. It worked, and a good day followed.

The chaos ensues.

Sun-chilling

The dog cloud!

The cookout

The competition--not really, though.

The Roots! (see post)

POW!

Justice--Stress

Whenever I think of breaking stuff and/ or punching walls and babies (kidding), one tune always comes to mind. It’s by Justice and called “Stress” (go figure). One line of lyrics. The rest is a hi-hatted, mixered, drum-machined, synthesized piece of magic! It was released about two years ago on their album †, and the visual compliments the track quite well. It’s shot POV style, with the viewer taking a ride with some like-minded, rude ass French adolescents apparently in the † gang (see back of hoodies).

Justice - Stress from Freedom Record on Vimeo.

I’m down with this cool French electronic music movement. Pointed? Yes, so what? Oh, and I’m pretty sure it’s not a movement per se. For all I know, such fantastic auditory stimulation has been around for years, now. But because we’re here in the good ‘ol US of A letting Miley Cyrus top the charts, we don’t get wind of this stuff, now, do we? ….Right. Anyway, I dig it. Busy P. Ed Banger. Justice. Mehdi. Magnifique.